I’ve been sitting on this announcement for months now because I couldn’t find the right way to say it, but things are actually starting to feel real now so I’m finally ready. My partner and I are early in the process of adopting a baby. We’re actually on our way to New York City right now for a workshop through the adoption agency we’ve chosen. I’m sitting on the train watching the world stream by out the window and thinking about this path that we’re on. Things feel like they are happening both very quickly and far too slow. It’s been about six months since we started talking about having a kid and I realized that things in my life are actually really stable right now, making this a possibility. I’ve been staring longingly at all of the babies I see, and imagining what my life will be like in a couple of years when I will hopefully have a child of my own. Sleepless nights and negotiating public transportation and trips to the park. Right now though, I’m learning to be patient.

We’ve had two visits with our home study social worker so far. I’ve spent hours reading their parenting handbook, writing an in depth autobiography, and taking online classes on adoption. I’ve collected birth certificates, our marriage license, copies of our lease, a letter from the bank with our current balance, sent off fingerprints to the FBI, mailed forms for child abuse report checks, asked my therapist and psychiatrist to write letters attesting to my mental health stability, met with my primary care physician to get a form filled out that I am in good enough health to become a parent, and signed off on more paperwork than I can remember. Next week our social worker will meet with us individually, which scares the crap out of me. The thought that this one person will decide whether to sign off on us as potential parents… It’s terrifying. This workshop we’re attending this week will enable us to be listed with the agency as a waiting adoptive family after the home study is complete. Large amounts of money have changed hands. Things have suddenly become very real.

And while yes, I’m terrified, I’m also incredibly excited. It feels like each step gets us just a little closer to the end goal of having a child. I read the letter of recommendation that one of our good friends wrote for us this week and realized that this is really happening. While it may be years before we have a child, I think we will. One day in the future I will be a father and holy crap am I looking forward to that day.